We get up early in the morning, brush up and head out. Knowing it’s another busy day of hustle. We laugh along the way and the camaraderie becomes part of us. Sometimes we feel a bit lost when a deal doesn’t go through or stuck when everything seems mundane. We get that languid feeling generally of everything about life. We sure call our loved ones and check on them sporadically. And Life keeps rolling. Once in a while, we kick the lethargic state we are in and inject some spirit back. Either by joining the gym, yoga or taking a vacation. Starting some classes etc. And as each day comes and passes, you trust yourself more. You become more confident. You keep your foot on the gas pedal and don’t stop.
One day you get a phone call. An urgent call that you need to get to the hospital.
They all say we are all casualties of something. Casualties of life. However small we all are. Not every phase of life for sure but at some point in life, we all feel like we are drowning – going down trying to cling to the tiniest of hope. But all we have to find is a ray of sunshine in the midst of all the pain. In the end, it all goes back to your attitude at that moment and how you handle it. And sometimes it sure can take a hell lot of your strength to keep soaring.
I digress, so after confirming your name, all you hear is something to do with your wife. And it’s ugly. What happened, you have no idea. They withhold the information. You become alarmed. Heart peaking, something foreboding grips you. You can’t hear the colleague next to you squawking. Thin cold air grasps your skin. Your scamper your things and leave a message to your boss. One of your mates proffers to come with you and off you go. Moments in the car seem suspended in time. The slightest traffic sends a churn of twirls to your stomach. You pray a thousand Lords prayer and ask for His help. In the midst of praying your mind wonders off. You become lost in some reverie of anxiety, fear, doom and hope all inextricably linked. You go back to praying again. It’s all in a rush. It’s like life is being sucked out of you slowly.
It’s always human nature to promise God a list of things we will do if He just answered to what we were asking. And what we forget to pray is to accept His will and not force our way against His.
But something like an emergency/ugly accident or death is literally hard to accept. Unwillingly difficult to grasp and understand why/how…
We all fear death. But someone went on to argue that it’s not death that we fear but the fear of leaving or being left by our loved ones. The fear of having an agonizing death makes people fear death. But we don’t fear death. It’s the process and effect of it that makes us fear it.
Anyway, you master all courage and in the emergency section, you are directed. A bunch of doctors meet you as you try to process what is going on. Then they lead you further to a room. In the room, they take you in circles. Asking how you left your wife, what were her last words when you left her, was she happy etc. All that counselor/therapist innuendos. You answer everything in a haste and tell them to get to the point. What are they taking you for? This is making you enraged. Suddenly, a black silence fills the room. One of them utters that your wife was shot right at her ribcage. She bled profusely and there was nothing that could be done.
At first, you freeze, cold gripping your lungs almost drowning you. How all this happened does not make sense.
Apparently, a thug chase was happening around the grocery store where your wife was doing some grocery haul. And all you do is slump into your chair and tears come flooding. Rage and confusion consume you. You demand answers. You ask why her, why your wife. What did you do to deserve this punishment? Couldn’t the doctors do anything? The next minute you are all over like a mad person. And it dawns on you when they lead you to the morgue. Slowly you try not to let your feet give away.
You remember her joyful spirit this morning. Her peck which weirdly lingered more than the normal days. Her luminous brown warm and expressive eyes which exemplified her stamina. And now she still lies, cold and bloody. The site of her makes you suicidal. There and then, you let loose. And you cry like a baby forgetting all the testosterone bullshit running through your veins.
And that’s life. One day you think everything is fine, the next day it’s not. You lose a loved one in a provoking, vicious manner. Sometimes not even one member but two or three family members like the Solai dam menace. A friend sells your soul and leaves you in the mud. You lose clients or your business goes down and those you counted for support all become engaged. A loved one betrays you and destroys the future you had. You get terminally ill and the world changes. It’s all gnashing painful.
Darkness envelopes you and becomes part of you for the next days/months. Nothing seems of purpose. You hover around not knowing what to do with life.
But you try your best to hang. For that beautiful boy, she left you.
And we ask why us but have we ever wondered why others and not you. We aren’t more special. We are easy to shrink ourselves and separate ourselves from ‘them’ but we are all casualties of life. And as long as we are alive, tide and tide will keep blowing our way in different forms and manners. And these bruises, these deep cut bleeding bruises, and wounds make for better conversations. Conversations you will be able to have when you have dusted yourself and got some grip on.
They make for better encouraging stories to others. For those passing through what you passed through. Just be encouraged today that everybody loses. We all got bruises.
The rise in mental cases is a notch higher. And you never become aware when it forms a fog in your mind. Tides can cause it but being human to others can also resolve some of them. Let’s be our brother’s keeper. Let’s be kind and think of the next person without malice. Even when we can’t help, smile and listen. Be a light.
Finally, I will leave you with one celebrity life experience that will send you shivers but also hope. A hope that humanity can still rise from the deepest of seas. If we are only strong and keep looking up to God: Celine Dion; She lost her husband to throat cancer and in the same week lost his brother to brain cancer. Imagine the emotional roller coaster from the time of diagnosis to their deaths days apart. And if it’s not God who held her and family during those dark days, then I don’t know what did.
So keep soaring. Believing. It shall all make sense one day. And if it doesn’t, you will know you gave it your best and led a rich life with one of the best stories to tell. Because you conquered.
Let beauty come out of ashes
And when I pray to God all I ask is
Can beauty come out of ashes?
Yes, it can my dear Celine. You are proof enough.